My coworker Shep and I got on the topic of Lindsay Lohan’s DUI arrest and her utterly ruined, vacuous life this afternoon. We touched on her blood alcohol concentration and then continued off on a tangent relating to what BAC level would kill you or put your head over a toilet.

We eventually whittled down to the brilliant conclusion that we should purchase our own breathalyzer. Think of the endless opportunities for laughs, games and simple bragging rights! Sitting around the table at your poorly lit, drab little pub with third beer in hand could suddenly turn into a bar-wide competition to discover who’s the most shit-faced and most likely depressed out of all the barflies present. Or, simply expose your friends who claim to be wasted off of one Smirnoff Ice as the frauds they really are. The amount of fun you can have is only limited by the amount of alcohol you have in the cabinet.

As for which breathalyzer to buy, I’m pretty taken with the Alcohawk, simply because it sounds like something from the Simpsons and it has one of the highest blood alcohol concentration ranges. Although if you’re looking at a .40% BAC, you’re probably not going to be able to blow into the Alcohawk with that cumbersome stomach pump tube blocking your mouth.